We’re back with our next topic in our Deep Beauty series! Today we’re going to tackle the topic on how to improve your self confidence. This topic is really close to my heart because I suffered from low self esteem for so, so long. It’s funny because people will tell me all the time that I’ve always seemed super confident and outgoing but you can never tell what’s going on with someone from the outside. It wasn’t until I started working on myself on the inside that my self perception started to change.
That is really what it’s all about. Self perception. That is always the most overlooked thing. People like to wait for this big change to happen magically like when they lose 30 lbs, when their skin clears up, when they make more money, etc that they’ll be happy and confident. The thing is yes, those things can happen and you can be happy as a result, but until you make loving yourself a priority and make that shift in your mind, those successes will result in only temporary happiness. Guess what happens when the phase passes? You end up returning to old habits and your self esteem slowly starts to go back down again.
So how do you break this cycle exactly? Simple. You have to pay attention to the language you use.
This is the key to gaining confidence which is so often overlooked because it’s not a quick fix. You can’t put it in a pill, slap a Kardashian on the label and put it on a store shelf. No corporation is going to make a boat load of money off of it. It’s simply a very unsexy answer to your problems. But it’s the most effective solution you are going to find to building your confidence.
Ok so what do I mean exactly by paying attention to your language? It’s watching the messages you are telling yourself about literally every single thing in life. We all have an internal dialogue that runs through our minds all day every day. The words we use and the way we perceive a situation dictates how we feel about it. We can chose to look at things from a positive perspective or we can look at it from a negative one.
Guess what negativity does? Brings you down. Makes you doubt your self worth and keeps your confidence at the lowest level possible. All it takes is a shift in your thinking from negative to positive to increase your self love which will send your confidence soaring.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
Situation: You go to your boss with an idea. Your boss is uninterested and dismissive.
Negative self-talk: My boss hates me. My ideas suck. I’m never going to get a better job. I’ll always be stuck in this position forever. My life sucks, I wish I was smarter, etc.
Positive self-talk: She must be having a bad day. I’ll talk to her about it another day. I wonder how I could improve my idea and my pitch. Maybe I could put together a few alternates. Ya, that’s a great idea! I’m going to look up some more ideas that she’ll definitely love!
Do you see the difference between the two? The first one stops you in your tracks wheres as the second one promotes self growth and brings about excitement inside you. Excited people don’t have time to feel down about themselves, they’re way too busy making their lives better.
So here’s your homework: I want you all to focus all your attention this week on your thoughts. Practice changing the negative ones to positive messages and really, really concentrate on this. You will see a huge change in just a few days. If you need to, write it down in a journal, that definitely helps. I love journals. They’re a great way to reflect.
What do you think? Do you have any suggestions or your own personal experiences you want to share? I’d love to hear your stories!
Jennifer Luna says
It took me a long journey to get over being bullied in middle school growing up. Did I have scars oh yes many. But there came a moment when I stopped seeing myself in such a bad light. I learned to focus on loving myself so I could be the person I wanted to be. Thank you for making this great. It was also near and dear to me too.
Deepa Berar says
It’s tough when we get bombarded by messages of who we are by other people. It’s only when we silence that noise that we can see who we really are. I’m glad you found love for yourself Jen because you truly are such an amazing, kind, genuine person 🙂
Becky Charlotte says
I agree with you 100%. Love yourself first and foremost and entertain positive thoughts – always.
Deepa Berar says